we’re at 25 editions of CSIF. i’m not particularly excited to write this. there’s a myriad of reasons why. a reason is because i’ve been working on a eulogy for my late Grandmother. it’s in the kiln that is my journal.
i’ve written 3 pages almost everyday this past week to inch closer to what i’d say such that i missed the release (Friday). i don’t like missing releases because it’s usually a signal that i’m a) not properly organized, b) being too much of a perfectionist. i have this great grand eulogy that i want to write that’s, if i’m being honest with you, is equal parts me dealing with my own grief and me cosplaying as ocean vuong writing on identity (lol). i find myself distracting or trying to distract myself a lot these days. i write this at the brink of an anxiety spiral. but i write anyways because i think there’s great power in just doing, just making something, anything. the eulogy will come in time, for now, enjoy this note on agency.
well, without further adieu
i was scrolling through twitter and i saw this tweet:
Mack lists 7 things. at first i waived my hand about it because i thought it to be another one of those pretentious threads that have since saturated twitter. and i was totally right.
but it made points, admittedly. i guess before we delve into what i want to talk about and well before diving into why this is even worth talking about, i’d probably do well to establish what the hell we’re even talking about.
this wikipedia screenshot is a really wordy way to explain agency as: do you got that dawg in you are you the type of person that goes out and makes things happen?
being this type of person is to deeply internalize that everything around you was built by someone just like you — another mortal. but it’s really hard to go against the grain. it’s usually not incentivized. it loses you social, temporal, and perhaps even fiscal capital. so to even be this person or surround yourself with this type of person is more or less costly.
whenever i think of high agency, i think of this video. this dude looks weird. but he’s so into being himself, he also just couldn’t care less. and him being himself, over a period of 3 minutes, amasses this giant dance party. as @Van-tastic says best,
the world’s a much better of place when people commit to the bit. when they commit to being themselves. that’s how interesting shit gets build, created, made, and so on. you’ve got to be willing to place a bet on yourself, and to get your hands dirty.
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i was gonna stop writing at “dirty” but i guess i’ll get into it. there’s something that briefly annoyed by and it continues to annoy me. i want to speak vaguely here because the target of my criticism is more a symptom of a problem, rather than the problem in itself.
the community i grew up in, in Southern California, is what i’d call the Mosque…Mittens (idk what the Muslim equivalent to the Bible Belt would be). in the county i grew up in, there was a mosque every 15 minutes up to a certain midway point in the county. this area had a quite a few things going for it a) lots of resources, b) relatively strong cohesion amidst institutions, c) lots of institutions. i mean seriously, a fuck ton. i mean every muslim org had some 4-5 letter acronym that it’d be referred to by.
there’s a recent event collective that’s popped up that i’ve heard is more or less modeled after what we’ve been able to accomplish. that’s what i’ve heard, and, if true, that’s incredible! more spaces for people to be themselves and feel less lonely, that’s a huge win. plus, the patron institute that has backed them is close to my heart as i studied there myself for a year after i graduated college.
but therein is my issue: the patron institute. there’s this trend i see from where i grew up from where there would be countless offshoots from a centralized organization. the opinions of said org would very obviously drive the ambitions of it’s subsidiaries. bluntly put: you’re being handed resources (funding, space, distribution) on a silver platter versus toiling for it. and before i sound embittered, i think the fact that all of these being provided is once again a great testament to what’s being built down there.
but there’s something about the toil. the test of figuring out “hey, is this something people want?” “how do we scrap to get this done?” “where do we go?” makes the journey and the destination so much more worth it.
this is why i love the bay. i’ve never been around more high agency people in my life. perhaps i wasn’t exposed to the right crowds in LA or even NYC. i think those places also have high agency people, just probably not from my immediate tribe per se. but here in the bay, within my tribe or not, there’s this overwhelming feeling of: if you want something — you go make it happen. it engrains in you this sense of responsibility to take care of yours plus another. that’s why it’s so incredible to bear witness to the many cultural institutions pop up in SF and Oakland alone — despite the sky high prices. there’s something about being a people and being amongst the people that’ll go against the grain. anyways, this ends my rant.
How JJJJound Defined Good Taste For The Internet Age
i popped into my local cafe and picked up an issue of GQ to read as i drink coffee to stumble upon this gem of an article. you know that phrase “your favorite rapper’s favorite rapper?” that’s what was on my mind as i read about JJJJound, “gee, my favorite designer’s favorite designer???” what stood out to me here was the power of Justin’s curation and where that’s taken the brand. there’s something to being able to craft, curate, and cultivate (yes i was searching for 3 c’s, alliteration smm smm) an aesthetic.
PERRY UP
i found this sofa in a magazine, and i really loved the red trim on this cream sectional couch. what a vibe. i’d love to DIY this one day.
Shibuya-Kei Genre
ok so i was browsing around youtube, as i usually do, and i found this one playlist dedicated to Katamari (ps2 game from the 2000’s). and i couldn’t tell if it was the music from the game or a remix, but it helped me get work done. either way, i discovered a new genre of music: Shibuya-Kei. it’s Japanese, and it’s this fun pop-y fusion with some bossa nova thrown in. anyways, the following song comes from a Shibuya-Kei playlist. hope you enjoy!
Thanks for reading this edition. Share this with your friends, your grandma, or your neighbor. And if you made it to the end of this essay and you didn’t just scroll, dm me a 🥁 on either twitter or instagram. or leave a comment! As always,
Sincerely,
Haroon
P.S. Check out my previous newsletter if you’re curious: Cool Stuff I Found #24